New year, same game.
We have made it to the beginning of a new year, after a year that never started the way we’ve grown used to.
No fireworks, just quiet, snow, and the pangs of aging already aching in my gut.
I dreamt we had the luxury of choice, of deciding if and where to begin again, but still I found it hard to move.
We played games that challenged our moral compass and toughness of skin.
I’ve realized that my skin is quite thin and I play games much like I play life — quietly, (sometimes impulsively) no risk, moving without much strategy, and dealing with the consequences with no remorse or lessons learned — even pleasantly surprised with a win, and not much knowledge of how I got there, and if I could get there again.
The over-thinker may be at an advantage, analyzing every move as if being alive depends on it, but I’ve never been a big planner, and there’s not much to plan these days.
I tend to make decisions and move around within them, doing what I can to be comfortable and satisfied. I rarely push beyond or pause and question why I’m here, where I’m going, and how to get there.
But part of living is just this. It’s all happening around the plans we’ve made, or wanted to make, or never thought we’d make.
What a gift it is to live within each day fully, not dwelling on yesterday and what tomorrow asks of us — being present in each and every moment.
It feels like a break, not being able to see the future. Then again, I’ve never seen mine clearly, but what is clear is the possibility.
Maybe it’s romantic to think you can have whatever life you want, and that your passions will make your days vivacious and worth all of your hours, but what a pity to sacrifice the part of you that is burning, and dull the flames for an easier life, for things that will never give you what you want or what you need — a compensation for the dreams you left behind or never allowed yourself to create.
To me, that sounds like heartbreak.
This year because we have so much time to pause, we should be more conscious of the progress and the special moments that are fleeting, pivotal and heart warming.
We should pursue those wild ambitions, never shying away from the length it takes to get there or the wrong play.
The moves are endless, and they can take us anywhere. We should never tire of moving forward even if it’s not the way we thought we’d go, for there will always be new ways to grow and we can’t agonize over the one and only love, or career, or idea of what we think we want. We should cherish each love for being apart of our lives.
There is no wrong path as long as we keep on moving.
