May the 4th
May today not be a day waisted
like the others before it
because of my angry gut
and steaming forehead
A small price to pay
for bringing friends
a day ahead
and 8,000 + miles away
closer
through the convenience of a screen
The pouring rain
helped to ease some guilt
but the tenderness
of my mushy brain
and the aching pangs
of my liver
kidneys and back
won’t go away
We may have had a few too many
on Friday and we are still
paying for it on Monday
and I am torn between
regret and how a night without
real repercussions tasted
so liberating
but I can’t bear to stomach even thinking
about it or I’ll be sick
again
Surely spending a day in bed
isn’t worth a good time
I feel grateful we have run out
of booze and lucky we overcame
dependency in our youth
to feel
intimacy although it wasn’t easy
Not everyone has the capacity
to put it down
Today I can feel it more
wear it harder
Spend the day slouched over
attempting to distract my body’s irritation
with movies that I have seen too recently
to give my attention fully to
Catch myself staring out the window
looking through but at nothing
a blur of light and water
Temporarily relieve my discomfort
with yellow gatorade and pepperoni pizza
Both a mistake and to thank
for how shit I feel today
Such a pity to be so empty
but so freeing not to worry
about what we threw back into our throats
It felt like we were 17 again and in love
with getting fucked up
unbothered by the world
that we didn’t know yet
only wanting to completely let go
