Halloween Scaries
Each day you can spare a couple of words
and make some room for all the rest
Why does it feel better on a piece of paper
the act of scribbling
Mom used to draw while she talked on the phone
a mess of words and numbers and coffee stains
The sun came out today
but last night the wind howled too loud
and I worried I might not wake up in time
Still I tried my best to sleep through the night
meaning I tried too hard and did not succeed
10 deep breaths is my new technique
to relax my heartbeat
Sometimes I count over and over again
sometimes I don’t make it to 10
It’s safe to say that Dad always overdid Halloween
He loved to scare us
dressing in masks and fake blood
He’d be unrecognizable and often there would be tears
My sister and I took our handmade costumes for granted
anything we wanted to be Mom would help us be it
Boxes of googley eyed lights and cobwebs
Some decorations too scary to touch
I always liked the feeling of being afraid
until I was alone
I do my best to lighten the heaviness of my chest
anxiously awaiting the day when my fear might be justified
but I tell myself not to worry this time
there’s no reason to cry
but it’s always something
and each day it’s new
and my body is the least of my worries
We are foolish to think we have control over
what time will do it
for natural causes are lurking around every corner
and will have no mercy
so be kind to yours
for it’s the only one we’ll ever have
it carries you
and cares for you
no matter what you put it through
Start the day off in the dark through the empty roads of Stanley Park
giant maple leaves stick to our wheels
drowning out the sound as if it could be any quieter
I watch one flutter through the wind like agitated snowfall
woken up too early and forced into movement
like me this morning
I burn my lips on the coffee made to watch the sun rise over Lions Gate
I haven’t seen one since I was younger and never wanted to sleep
I am eager to ingest
what my head will thank me later for
but my empty stomach is already lurching
it’s so cold and I can see myself breathing
I’ll wait patiently for the morning to start
my eyes still tired
remembering I dreamt of someone
who didn’t belong there
It’s haunted
the stillness of the morning
and it’s halloween tomorrow
and we are all ghosts today with memories
